Millions of years ago, the Cockatamel roamed over the vast expanses of the Gobi desert.  It grazed on sparse desert vegetation and used its beak to break into drought resistant nuts and seeds.  Like other extinct cryptids, including Megalonyx and the Six-seater Iguanadon, the Cockatamel has long since been obscured by the sands of time, obscurity, and misdirection.

Post-post-Modern Man

Today's sketch is brought to you from the era of modern art and Dr. Seuss.  Please enjoy responsibly.

It wasn't too long ago in my home in southern Minnesota, that I could encounter minnows, crayfish, frogs, salamanders, birds and a huge variety of insects just by stepping out my front door and going for a walk.

It wasn't like I lived in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area or anything either.  The river that ran through the middle of our town was the outflow for a mill plant.  Everywhere was waste ground from this building being torn down or that parking lot being paved.  Yet if you just looked you could always find everywhere the signs that you were not alone.

This morning I saw a grasshopper clinging to one of my fence posts.  I haven't seen a single grasshopper in months.  Talk about a survivor with an uncertain future.  After decades of Chem-lawn and such, good for him and his that they have hung on this long.

About a week ago I found a toad hiding beneath our bird bath.  It has been literally years since I last saw a toad.  Once they abounded everywhere.  I remember having to walk carefully through fields to avoid stepping on the hundreds of tiny frogs and toads around.  Now, years since I last saw one.  The last frog I saw was one that one of my dogs critically injured last autumn.

When I walk through a field or forest now and see a firefly I am dazzled not just by their amazing star-like glow as I have been since I was small.  I am dazzled that after the years  there are still fireflies, some of the most delicate and sensitive insects to poisons.

Signs of life are becoming scarcer, and more and more homogenous.  The animals that have been the most successful at adapting to us.  Ironically, the very species people use poisons, traps, and insecticides to kill.  Our chemical arsenal weeds out their competitors and leaves us alone with our nuisance animals.  Roaches, ants, squirrels and rats, pigeons and gulls.  Now and forever, world without end.

I suppose now it is time to stop kidding myself.  Wondering the last few days if the leaves were starting to change because it has been so dry the last few days.

I think it's quite clear that fall is now here.

"Reginald's Tail Was Problematic...Even Choosing the Four-Wheel Parambulator over the Two-Wheel Velocipede." 

My apologies for my jumbled lettering.  I assure you my penmanship would be better if I didn't seem to get a %&$@#! hand cramp every time I attempted hand lettering.

Maybe it's just time to get all techno and do everything in "comic sans serif".

This could blow the lid right off some of science's greatest mysteries.

 Greetings Earthistani people.

From a distant arm of our spiral galaxy.  Come to our planet to discover the truth behind some of the greatest mysteries in the Universe.  Like whether "Matt's" or the "5-8 Club" or someone else entirely invented the Juicy Lucy.

Could it be....ancient aliens??

Halo-stache

Looking back on yesterday I see a man with a curious mustache leaning against a door frame.  This curious mustache appears to be grown out of pinion feathers rather than the standard material.

Rather odd.

Little Red Laser Dot

You know how they say some things once you see them cannot be "unseen".  Well its a real thing my friends.  Over the years I have witnessed a lot of scenes that have broken my heart.  I've witnessed people I've thought I knew doing or saying things that I would have thought entirely out of character.  There have been a lot of changes that just can't be undone.

Nothing can compare to the haunting memory of the little red laser dot though.

One Ornery Saint

Ushered in with Haley's Comet, ushered out the same way.  My favorite American saint and I'm sure many of yours as well.

Best known with a soup strainer on his upper lip, but when he worked the riverboats his face was smooth as a boy's.

Never a man for "The glass is half full or the glass is half empty"; his motto leaned more toward "There is not enough water for your people are dying of thirst, you pirates and thieves!"

There is never enough "water".  The people are always starving for a man like Sam to tell them when they're running around bare ass naked, whether they like it or not.

M to the B-Rady

Do you know this man?

Well probably not personally since he's been dead for over a century now.  So if you say, "Yeah, hey, that's Matt!" you are probably a vampire and should be staked.

Though you may not know this man's face, you know the faces of hundreds of figures from the mid-to-late-nineteenth century because of the portraits that this man photographed of them.  The whole "baseball trading card line up" of civil war officers and generals comes to us because this man dragged a horse and wagon up and down the lines and battlefields of the civil war.

All the most horrendous photos of smoked out fields and pockmarked ditches littered with the bodies of the dead were captured by him and then exposed in the darkroom inside that rickety wagon.  When you think of all the volatile chemicals that go into photography this man was really taking his life into his own hands.  Not to mention the cannons, rifle, and musket fire.

Some would say that Mathew Brady was the first photojournalist for exposing people far away from the front to images of actual warfare.  Others would say he was the first muckraker for exposing an ugly underbelly of society that some people would never want to have to look at.

Interestingly, newspapers had no way of reproducing Brady's images in print.  So the newspapers would get copies of the photographic prints and then a carving artist would have to carve out a woodblock of the photograph to reproduce in the newspapers.

Kind of like duplicating mimeograph images on a blog site.

"Trying to loosen my load...
Got a World of Troubles on My Mind.."

"Take It Easy"
Music and lyrics by
Jackson Browne and Glen Frey.

Hey; they can't all be terribly original.

Though Our Shoes Are Worn

Every day we shuffle along.  Though our backs are sore, or stooped, or twinge.
Every day we plod along a little farther.
Even though we may see others sprinting in the other direction.
Our shoes are now all worn out. 
Our feet are sore, blistered, calloused.
Our destination gets more hazy every day.
You would think it would become clearer as we move closer.
Hazier, and hazier still, it goes against logic.
Another burst of reserve and forward again we shuffle.
Every day, every hour, every hard won mile on a dusty road.
Never knowing if we will reach our goal or pass into oblivion along the way.
I don't think these shoes have much longer to go.

Wizard Dump

Things are coming to a head.  Make no mistake.

A few short years ago, the names of the major national fan based conventions started dwindling.  In their place I started hearing about "Comic-Con" here and "Wizard World" there.
  

These are not fan based conventions.  These are market based trade shows.  They draw big names for two reasons.  First, the media is convinced that they represent a direct conduit to geek-based culture and so over-saturate every one of these big Cons with media attention and publicity.  People like Chris Hardwick, gushing about; "Oh you were at Comic-Con.  I was at Comic-Con too." Secondly, being a purely "for profit" venture, they have the draconian business model to be able to spend extreme amounts of money on advertising, hiring special guests, and offering big cash prizes at costume competitions. 

How do they do this?  Volume my friends, they do it through volume.  A popular fan based convention, other than Dragon Con which is the exception to the rule, may be taxed at 10 or 15 thousand guests. A modest Wizard trade show funnels 50,000 people through some convention center like steers in a stock pen.  Secondly, the booth fees for a vendor hoping to trade at one of these mega shows makes the rent on a retail space at the Mall of America seem thrifty by comparison.

They also have plenty of money left over in their budgets to play dirty tricks on the local guys.

I recently was made aware of a particular sad and heinous example of Wizard's pernicious influence right here in Minnesota.  The letter I received is reprinted below: 

WIZARD STRIKES AGAIN

Seems the "New Wizard" is Same as the old Wizard

Twin Cities, Minneapolis, Saint Paul, MN (August 12, 2013) - The New York based Wizard World convention organization has once again decided to reach out and attempt to bully a long standing regional convention group. This time it's the Twin Cities based (Minneapolis/Saint Paul, MN) all volunteer, not for profit Midwest Comic Book Association that is Wizards target.

Oddly enough the MCBA, an all volunteer, not for profit group was initially excited to hear the rumors that Wizard was coming to town. For 25 years they've been dedicated to providing promotions, service and support to the comic book industry and the creators/retailers who make their living in it. They viewed Wizards arrival and high industry profile as an opportunity to grow the community and looked forward to working with them in a support capacity as well. The more the merrier. Unbeknownst to the MCBA, Wizard evidently has other plans.

Every year for the past 25 years the MCBA has sponsored two public events. One is the SpringCon show, a two day show traditionally held in May and a one day show called FallCon in October. So out of all of the dates available to Wizard, they choose to schedule their premier event in the Twin Cities on May 3 & 4, 2014. Just two weeks ahead of the weekend SpringCon which is held May 17 & 18, 2014). Seems like the "new Wizard" is just like the old Wizard.

Recently, Nick Postiglione, one of the lead MCBA volunteers recently spoke with Peter Katz, Senior VP of Business Affairs& Development for Wizard who informed him "we had no idea that we were scheduling so close to the MCBAs event" and further continued that the proposed space (the Minneapolis Convention Center) "Only had the first weekend in May available to us". The MCBA SpringCon dates for 2014 have been posted for quite some time on numerous industry websites and the MCBA website as well. In addition, one quick phone call inquiry to a space rental employee about space availability at the Minneapolis Convention Center put the lie to his availability statement. Evidently, the first week in May was specifically and strategically chosen.

Another interesting tidbit casually mentioned by Postiglione "About a year ago, we were approached by Wizard to see if we were for sale or absorption" he continued "I told them that given the fundamental structural differences in our respective organizations, that probably wouldn't be possible. But we'd be happy to help their efforts in establishing a presence here. I just had no idea that they actually intended to land right on top of us. It's an unfortunate situation, a huge disappointment for many of our volunteers, and ultimately a missed opportunity for the various communities we serve as well."

There you have it. A group that has donated over 30 tons of food to the food shelves, over $100,000.00 to the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund, the MN Lupus Foundation and the MN Literacy council, as well as promoting retailer and creator events and other regional events is about to be bullied about by the corporate Wizard World convention machine. Again, seems like the "new Wizard" is just like the old Wizard.

Most people in the comic book world are acutely aware of Wizards history of predatory convention and comic book industry practices. Wizards will claim it is not so and that the "new Wizard" is a "much different organization" than that of years past. This is simply not true. This situation perpetrated by Wizard is a willful and purposeful attempt to corner a market and squash the local competition regardless of the negative effects it would have on the regional community and highlights, once again, Wizards self serving, predatory instincts.

To be sure, we live and work in a free market system based on competitive principles. Competition generally serves us well. But, given the unique nature of the comic book industry, the situation is definitely unique and traditionally acts as such. It's a multi layered community composed of many different, and ever evolving, wildly diverse creative and financial elements. Minneapolis St. Paul is the 15th largest media market in the United States and should easily be able to handle two events of this type. However, that's not in question here. What is in question is Wizards ethics.

It's all about timing and making a proactive choice to help build a community or deciding to simply show up, bully the locals and pillage what others have built. The question is obvious "Is there a difference between having the right to do something as opposed to doing what's right?" Evidently everyone, except Wizard, knows the answer to that question is "Yes!"

While this issue may or may not be concerned with your specific geographical area or affect the way your participate in the world of comic books right now, make no mistake, it is your community here that is under assault and this is your call to action! Vote with your dollars and your heart when choosing what events to support and attend. Please e-mail or call Peter Katz at Wizard and let him know where you stand regarding this type of predatory market behavior. Your community needs you to be heard!

Based on what the MCBA has stated in public, if Wizard did the right thing regarding their event dates, they would welcome them with open supportive arms and continue to help build a bigger, better, healthier comic book community for all of us.

FW - The Super Anti Wizard Guy

###

Special thanks to the peacemakers at the MCBA who provided the information used in this press release.

Peter Katz - Wizard World - peter@wizardworld.com- (646) 801-5572

What does this mean in the long run?

"Because the economy is tight, I can only afford one convention this year. I'll make it "Wizard World (insert city here)". 

Small independent presses and individual artists and creators cannot afford the booth fees at this kind of convention.  Local conventions cannot afford the kind of marketing and advertising that Wizard can choke television, the internet, and airwaves with.

It won't be long before Wizard World is the only convention left in town.  Stadium shows where fans crowd in four hour long lines for the latest Pokemon trading cards and the latest issue of "Archie" or "Nancy and Sluggo".  "Attention: Now featuring (Insert name of boy band of the day) superhero adventure comics.  Pre-autographed copies now available at the loading dock 'mezzanine'."  National fandom will find itself "Wal-martized".

Do you have the flop sweats yet?

Woodsy the Owl Bear

Take a trip down memory dungeon crawl with me.  Today's fearful exhibition; the owl bear.  Yes, the owl bear, the wandering monster with the second biggest "huh, what?" factor of anything in the classic dungeons and dragons pantheon.  Yes, second only the the displacer beast for overall, "What was someone thinking when they came up with this monster?"

(As an aside, there was an early dungeon module that actually makes the displacer beast make sense.  It's actually a kind of clever science fiction monster smack dab in the middle of the dungeons and dragons fantasy realms.  No such explanation exists for owl bears.)

All the brains of an owl, all the aroma of a bear.  Don't let him hug you.  Don't let him peck you.  Don't let him hack up your bones and armor in a big nasty pellet. 

Shoot first, macrame later!

Breaking news.  Folklorian historians have discovered today a new trouble that's been lurking about Pandora's Box for some time.  Historians refuse to speculate whether it was hiding deep in the box the whole time. Opinions are split as to whether it was present since the box was originally opened hiding its identity or whether it is a new trouble somehow recently generated by Pandora's box.  Folklorian scientists were understandably shocked this weekend when they discovered "The Internet" crawling out of Pandora's Box and sunning itself on the lid.

In recent years I have noticed that more and more the internet is being used for trolls to fling their poison from the refuge of "virtual" anonymity.  More and more on various social networking sites I have read blogs, comments on blogs, and just general posts filled with hatred.  Hatred toward gays, hatred toward women, hatred toward minorities.  Hatred in politics, hatred in religion, hatred toward science and a myriad of other foaming vitriolic barks.

Understand something as you post from behind your moniker of "Snuffalupigus-with-a-boob-job" or whatever other witty internet persona.  You are not some internet Robin Hood standing up for the rights of your imaginary victimization just because a few virtual presences agree "That's exactly right."  You are a troll shouting obscenities from behind a rock to a chorus of "Here! Here!" from some pebbles nearby.

We all want to be heard.  Often we lose the signal in all the noise.  We miss the message below because of disturbed ripples on the surface.

Was waiting this morning to think of something very profound to say.  Took the dogs for a walk.  Weeded a flower bead.  Nothing.

Then along came a grey squirrel with a nasty old green bathroom poof, bounding majestically across the yard.  Yes the weather is still sunny and warm, but Mr. Squirrel is already thinking of the long hard winter that may be ahead.  That and being prepared if he decides to take a shower in his nest during that winter.  Here's to you, Mr. Squirrel.  Here's to all your relatives that my dog Atticus will try to torment.

Atticus Tyrannis

After my last post to this blog kind of took a peculiarly maudlin swerve the other night, I told my wife I was thinking of not blogging anymore.

After all, too many of us blog these days.  Often as not, it isn't anything that earth shatteringly interesting anyway.  This I will be the first to confess.

Since then, I have to say, I have been thinking a lot about the blog.  To paraphrase something a good friend of mine said when we were both much more involved in poetry slams; "When you're out of the Blog, all you can think about is getting back into the Blog." (I just substituted blog for "slam" as I am sure you've guessed already).

I picked up my pen again this morning and sketched a little something that looks like it might belong in a storybook by A. A. Milne.  My little blogging monster has come home with his handkerchief tied with a stick.  I wonder what a blog monster would have wrapped in an old handkerchief tied to a stick.  We may never know.

There was a Dr. Who companion known as Joe Grant, played by Katy Manning.  She was kind of frivolous.  Kind of bumbling.  When I first started watching Dr. Who all those years ago I was first introduced to the first few seasons of Tom Baker.  Then the last couple of seasons of John Pertwee.

Joe Grant fell right at the end of Pertwee, and right before Tom Baker's incarnation of the Doctor and Sarah Jane Smith.  Deft, inquisitive and engaging Sarah Jane.  The Doctor Who companion considered by many fans who started with the original series to be "the companion" for Doctor Who.  The Golden Years of Elizabeth Sladen and Tom Baker.

I admit that when I was growing up, me and other fans of Doctor Who I knew kind of considered Joe to be kind of the "Lieutenant Broccoli" of Doctor Who.  It seemed that her only purpose was to be there for Doctor Who and Unit to rescue, making some jokingly wonder how she wound up as part of Unit at all.  To many she lost even more "geek cred" when Katy Manning agreed after she was no longer with the show to pose nude with a mock-up Dalek.  I wish there was a particular term for when someone participates in self parody where it seems the joke was more on an individual than going along with them.

Fast forward.  It has been a hard last couple of years for fans of the original series as far as companions are concerned.  Elizabeth Sladen's successful series reprising Sarah Jane in the Sarah Jane Chronicles was cut short when she succumbed to her battle with cancer at only 65 back in 2011.  Nicholas Courtney, who played Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart from Troughton through Baker and beyond also passed away in 2011.  Caroline John, the actress who played Joe Grant's predecessor, the cool headed Cambridge scientist Elizabeth Shaw passed away in 2012 at 71.

Even Mary Tamm, who played the original Romana, the rogue time lord with the ice queen persona passed away in July of this year.  She was only 62 when she died.  As a tragic footnote her 60 year old husband died of a heart attack in their home just a few hours after delivering the eulogy at his wife's funeral.

So you're a huge geek.  Here are your geek heroes and icons.  In just three short years the actors that portrayed the supporting cast of the "Golden Years of your Geekdom" are obituaries.

Some wag on his blog suggested Katy Manning should be getting nervous.  The actress who played Joe Grant is the only one left alive from that time period.  I am starting to feel more respect for Joe Grant.

They say that the Doctor never says good bye.  He almost never returns to visit one of his old companions once their journey is completed.  But even the Raggedy Man has to pay the price of Time.  And the price of Time, as those of us in the mundane world know, is saying good bye.

Goodbye to heroes, good bye to matinee and serial idols.  Good bye to best friends, lovers and family.  Neil Gaiman tweeted just yesterday something about his wife asking him how many women he'd made love with who are dead now.  It made me immediately think if I could think of anyone who had already died who I'd been in a relationship with, however briefly.

Lord I don't think I could stand to live 900 years and have to play the Good bye game so long and so hard.

Still Got to Go Back and Check the Sources

Didn't Tan Geranium Dreams do the sound track for the movie "Blade Runner" with George Harrison?

No, that was Get in the Van, Jealous.

Tan Geranium Dreams did the sound track to "Risky Business", along with Bob Smeageler.

Bob Smeageler, I loved his Silver Bullhead Band.

This excerpt brought to you from thirty years in the future if Wikipedia crowd-sourcing becomes fundamentally the only source of information retrieval.

Verify your information.  Read a book.  Buy some vinyl.

Sneaky Media, it isn't April Fools.

The other day I read the headline of the U.S.A. Today.  You should never read the headlines of U.S.A. Today.  I was floored.  I was stunned.  I made loud exclamatory noises and whooping cries to the air.  It was a good thing no one else got off at my train stop or I might have gotten the transit police called on me.  "On the subject of gay people, Pope Francis says 'Who am I to judge?'"

Now my excitement was later tempered when other major Catholic figures came on the various media channels.  Figures like Cardinal Dolan who clarified that Pope Francis was just reiterating the old "Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin" argument the Catholic church has been dusting off for centuries.  Its not that the Catholic Church has anything against gays.  They just have something against gays acting in a gay way.

Well it is certainly a warmer more loving position then that taken by former Pope, Cardinal, and shiny red elf shoe wearing Ratzenberger.  Pope Benedict's stance on the temporal and theological rights of gays could be described differently.  I can almost picture Pope Benedict with a position like, "If you are gay I will burn you with my Pope laser beam eyes of extreme disapproval and condemnation".

Well, I think I am really growing fond of Pope Francis.  I like the austerity measures he is introducing into the Vatican City.  I like his humility and piety.  I like his honest good will and the feeling of real warmth.  In short I get a really nice vibe from him.  The kind of vibe I haven't really felt since John Paul passed away.

I recognize that Pope Francis is in a very difficult position.  It is not easy being the charismatic leader of an organization that has been founded for the last 1500 hundred years on the principle that it is never wrong.  'We are never wrong, we never have been wrong, and we never will be wrong'.

Even at times in the past where a Pope or other Vatican leaders have admitted the catholic church may have been in error on a particular stance and printed an apology, usually for events over a century old.  Before long, the next Pope will come along and declare that the people who suggested the Catholic church might have been wrong were themselves, guess what, wrong.  The Pope is supposed to be infallible, you say.  Then how can one Pope say another Pope was in error?  I know, makes my mind go bendy too and I feel like I need a Tylenol.

In the spirit of "Love the Sinner but hate the Sin", I render this.  I am going to have to say that I love Pope Francis, but am not always fond of the office itself.  I am fond of the man, but I am not fond of the Pope the man holding that office is pressured into being.

The Return of Sharkopotamus "The Sequel".

I just learned some disturbing news about "Sharknado" the sequel.  Apparently, Tara Reid will not be invited back for a Sharknado II.  Sources close to Ms. Reid said that she was waiting to see the script before she decided whether or not she was on board for a second movie. 

The producers swam around that by just not inviting Tara back for a second picture.  They invited back her costar for Sharknado II but decided they wanted to go a different way where Ms. Reid was concerned.  You have to be a real basket of warm, fuzzy kittens for the Sci Fi channel to take a pass on working with you again.

Anyway, this is good news for Tara Reid.  This just frees up her shooting schedule for "Sharkopotamus" and "Sharkopotamus II, The Vengenator".

The Most Dangerous Night Not Yet on Television.

The thing about the dark shadows is that its not always easy to tell what is coming or going.  Where do the features lie?  Who is that standing next to you?

Don't be Afraid of the Dark

There are some names that are just synonymous with the Film Noir movement that really came into its own shortly after the end of World War Two.  Peter Lorre is definitely right up there on that list of actors and stars who shined brighter in the low light and the stark contrast.  The shadows where you never knew your friends from your enemies.  The dawn of the Cold War was upon America and we saw it reflected in the ways we dressed, the books we read, and the films that people went out and saw in theaters when the floor lights dimmed.

Smarter Than Crick and Watson

Here we have my rough sketch of Rosalind Franklin.  Rosalind Franklin pioneered work in photographing DNA using x-ray diffraction imagery.  If you don't know what that means, that's okay, I am not sure either.  Then I'm not Rosalind Franklin smart.

At any rate, Rosalind Franklin's images and the notes she made with them confirmed the helical structure of DNA.  Watson was shown Franklin's results with out her knowledge or permission and he and Crick published a peer review paper based on Rosalind's findings proposing their "theory" that DNA held a double helix design.  Crick and Watson received a Nobel prize and are generally credited to this day with discovering the double helix design.



Damian, you may ask, why have you interrupted your week of Peter Lorre eye candy with this scrumptious image of Rosalind Franklin?  There are no coincidences in the Universe but just a couple weeks ago I caught something on one of those basic cable science channels.  Once again, they are attributing the discovery of the double helix  to Crick and Watson even though there was a big ballyhoo several years ago after which Francis Crick finally confessed that Rosalind Franklin was the source of most of their data for their paper that she had never been credited for.  I found myself thinking for about a month, trying to remember the name of the female biophysicist and x-ray crystallographer that they poached most of their data from.

Fast forward to today, and Google is celebrating Rosalind's 93rd birthday.  Yes, Rosalind Franklin.  Sadly, I had forgotten her name again. 

By the general public Rosalind Franklin is remembered for, not much of anything.  This is because she was a female scientist working before the latter half of the twentieth century where the fight for equality, human rights, and equal treatment for women finally started seeing more female scientists receiving the respect that they deserved.  Rosalind isn't part of our collective unconscious.  There aren't posters in museum gift shops of her riding a bicycle or sticking her tongue out at the camera.  She isn't remembered.

So I have a proposal.  This sketch is based on a very nice photo of Dr. Franklin.  I think people should screen grab it, meme grab it, of course with full permission of the original printers of the photograph or their descendants and assigns.  I think it should be put on t-shirts, coffee mugs, mouse pads.

In addition I noticed when I was sketching her for this likeness the placement of her middle finger of her left hand against her throat.  Perhaps something pithy like; "Dr. Franklin Has a Proposal for the Established Scientific Mediocrity".  Although that might be pretty long for a coffee mug.  Maybe just on the t-shirt then.

In closing; thank you Dr. Rosalind Franklin.  Thank you for your years of service.

Peter Lorre as Sydney Greenstreet's "Maltese Falcon" henchman, Joel Cairo.  He's dapper, he's dodgy, he's dangerous, and like everyone else in that movie unforgettable.  Sure he loses a little street cred when Humphrey Bogart slaps him around. 

However, if you're a villain and all your henchmen are identical meat-walls with physiques like Dolf Lundgren, well what you have son is the cast of "The Expendables" and "The Expendables Two".  Own it now on blue ray or they will come to your house and break your coffee table.

You have been warned.

Peter Lorre, "Lion Face, Lemon Face."

Who can blame him?  Who doesn't like that explosion of toe curling sour on their taste buds when you pop one in your mouth?  Then you get the added treat after its been in your mouth for about ten seconds and the sweet starts to kick in.

Attempted a little sketch of Peter Lorre from "Secret Agent".  Accentuated the cheek bones a little too much and kind of lost the roundness of Peter's face a little.

Looks a little like Peter's sometime collaborator, Vincent Price...or a little like Prince.

So I present to you, "Prince Peter Vincent"!  The new royal at Buckingham.

Wait for it...

"Vampire Killer!"

Peter Lorre and the Sound of the Can Opener.

This is Peter.
He knows how to make the tuna.
He knows how to make the not-tuna go away.
Can I have the tuna, Peter?
Don't give him any tuna.  Give the tuna to me, Peter.
Can I have tuna?
Can you make me the tuna, Peter?
Can you make me the peter, Tuna?
I mean, I like the tuna...

(Excerpt transcribed by Siamese kittens).

Peter Lorre With An Attitude!

Peter Lorre describes his pet walrus, Gus to a group of school children.
"How long are Gus's tusks, Mr. Lorre?"
"Gus's tusks are roughly this long and he keeps them nice and shiny."
"Should we be careful where we swim in case we encounter a walrus like Gus?"
"Children, you need not worry about any walrus swimming in a park or public pool.  You need not trouble yourself with a walrus swimming in a lake or river besides.  If you find yourself swimming in the arctic ocean, my pet walrus, Gus will be the least of your worries."

"Ich kann nicht, aber Ich musst...visit the Museum Gift Shop".

This is how my sense of humor turns.  Here we see Peter Lorre reprising his classic role in the 1931 film "M".  I am used to imagining his character lurking the streets of the city peering in knife shops.  Instead, his meme peruses the aisles of the Mutter Museum of Medicine in Philadelphia, perhaps still unaware of the chalk M scrawled on his coat by his pursuers all those years ago.

Maybe he's changed venues and continents because he wants to see the giant colon.  Who can tell?  Certainly not I.  The idea just made me smile.

If you've never seen the move "M", you should.  It is a classic film that stands up well even though it was produced back in 1931.  It may be a hard film to scare up but you can probably find a site to stream it from.  It certainly isn't as hard as finding an intact print of "Der Golem" from 1915.

Some years ago, the graphic novel artist John Muth did a graphic novel version.   That is if you prefer something a little more current.  He took frame grabs from the original film and adapted the scenes and characters using expressionistic color in water color washes, using mostly the dialogue from the original film for the graphic novel text.

On a related note, this blog post touches off "Peter Lorre Week" (approximately).

"Someone's Getting Licked by my Beaters."

Terrifying giant crab monster made land fall and then made its way inland until it reached Eugene, Oregon.  It left a trail of severely whipped devastation in its wake.  Eventually the Jaeger "It's My Coffee Break" was dispatched.  The crab monster was subdued when the jaeger grabbed its arms and used them to pummel the creature's own carapace. All the while the pilots were saying, "Hey, stop hitting yourself".  Melted butter was on the scene.

"Sharkopotamus Killed My Sister!"

Thrill to the most dangerous night on television.  The shark, most deadly of ocean predators.  The hippopotamus, most dangerous land animal in Africa.  A genetic experiment gone horribly wrong fuses them together into nature's perfect killing machine.  Deadly in the water, unpredictable and dangerous on land; Sharkopotamus.  

Bruce Boxleitner stars as the geneticist who must repent after his experiments go out of control and wreak havoc.  Soon the resulting mutant monsters will spread across the globe.  It seems like nothing can slow the onslaught of the Sharkopotamus.  Corben Bernson stars as the big game hunter that our hero scientist enlists to help him save the world from the colossal beasts.. 

Yancy Butler's character is tragically devoured in the "rubbing bacon on your butt and calling yourself bait" scene where they try to lure all the ornery Sharkopotami into one giant killing pen to electrocute them with the world's largest toaster.  Will Sharkopotamus invade all the oceans of the world and conquer on land as well.  Stay tuned to the Strangest Night on Television to find out.

Caught "Pacific Rim" the other night with a friend of mine.  Loved the fabulous fusing of mecha anime with kaiju monster movies of the golden age into a pretty sharp "mostly" live action feature.
Some impressions I took away from the film, I later texted to another friend who couldn't make it:
"I will never look at sushi the same way...I want Ron Perlman's shoes...'Today we are cancelling the apocalypse'...Australians are obsessed with soccer even at the end of the world...Mako Mori can hold an umbrella with thunderheads of unexpressed emotion...I want Marshall on my softball team...Mad Scientists trippin'."

I thought Guillermo Del Toro did a pretty good job of establishing the subtle sub-context of all nations pooling their resources together to combat global threats like climate change, the energy crisis, pandemics and the like.  Now you may say, "Subtle!  When the monsters were identified with the same kind of rating systems usually associated with tornadoes and hurricanes? 'This is a category 5 kaiju.  The first one we have ever seen.'"

Well yes, some of it was less subtle than others.  However the same night I caught "The Day the Earth Stood Still" on late night television.  The Keanu Reeves version that is all about a doomsday clock set in motion by benevolent alien  overlords of the surrounding galaxy who have decided the human race and all they have created must be wiped out to save planet earth.

So in comparison, subtler than a souffle.  In "The Day the Earth Stood Still", the underlying text is voiced first by John Cleese when his character says essentially that when the human race is absolutely up against the wall that's when their capacity for change shines through.  This message is echoed for the rest of the movie until Keanu Reeves decides to take pity on the lowly Earthicans and stop GORT from completing its nano-rampage.


I think Gypsy Danger should just haul off and punch GORT.

Yes, the human race has a remarkable capacity for coming up with last minute technological patches to fix the holes in the infrastructure of our world.  Unfortunately, these last minute patches are usually poorly tested and come with at least one or two new problems with which we hadn't had to content before the fix was made.  Every new leap forward usually sets us back somewhere else.

So for subtext messages I far prefer the idea of pooling all our best minds and all our best resources together to come up with long standing and well thought out solutions to our global problems.  This seems like a more positive message than waiting until the absolute last moment and hoping that the Universe will give us one more chance; like out in space, or on another planet.  Also a better solution than building a big wall.

Today is Your Moment

I promise to be brief today.  I am not feeling well and anyway, yesterday's scree should hold over into a few days worth of words. 

We cannot escape into the past nor can we project ourselves into the future.  Our time is here and now.  Decisions that we make have real consequences.  Deciding to do nothing; has very grave consequences.

So set your compasses and do.
Now.
Plan for.
Now.
Live for.
Now.
Love.
Now. 

Yesterday is history and tomorrow is too late.

"You're Gonna Love the Way You Look."

Today I wanted to voice in about things that might seem to look good on the surface, but probably aren't that good for you at all.  For the last several years both the G.O.P. and the sister Tea Party have been propping up and pushing through candidates who want us to believe they are against government waste, and for traditional family values.

Yet time and again when it comes to making the decisions that need to be made in Congress, they personify government waste by sitting on their asses, hedging their bets, filibustering endlessly, wasting the legislative sessions holding votes repeatedly on bills that have already been defeated in the other cameral house or vetoed by the president.

There are only two types of  legislation that is being pushed through, both on the national and the state level.  The first, is legislation for the super-pacs and multi-national corporations that put them in office.  It is a long standing rule in state and national politics in this country as well as many others.  You have to dance with the ones that brought you there.  This leads to legislation like the Monsanto Protection Act, recently snuck through into federal law; which protects Monsanto from being sued due to any negative effects of their products.  Interestingly, this law went into effect just a week or two before Monsanto's genetically modified wheat scandal became public knowledge.  I am sure the two incidents are completely unrelated.

The second kind of legislation that keeps getting forced through is morals governing Sharia laws which have become very popular in this present legislative cycle.  Laws like the recent law in Indiana making it illegal for a member of the clergy to marry a homosexual couple. 

These laws promise to be the height of waste as we pour millions of dollars in the state and federal services trying to enforce these laws.  Laws that are so unconstitutional they will most likely be overthrown as soon as the first person indicted by them appeals to the state or national Supreme Court.  I am not sure who's family values these hateful exclusionary edicts are supposed to promote.  Instead, these laws seem tailor made as measures to segregate the citizens of the United States by race, religion, sex, and socio-economic status.   That's not the kind of values I was taught as a child.  Certainly not what my teachers indicated our United States were aspiring toward.

These are certainly not the values that were instilled in us by our parents.  Perhaps they are the values our great grandparents instilled in our grandparents.  But in my case my grandparents fell into the "Greatest Generation".  They faught fascism in Europe and defeated it, then devoted a larger percentage of their budget than ever before to educating and feeding their children and making sure that a larger percentage of the population had access to medicine than ever before in history.  They educated their children so they'd be able to think for themselves.

They hoped that this way, something like fascism would never seem to be an attractive option to an educated people.  They also started a "War on Poverty". No, not the war on the impoverished many state and federal law makers are waging now, trying to claim that the poor are the reason our nation erodes from within.  It was a measure meant to end poverty once and for all. 

Maybe it was overly idealistic to think that could be achieved.  However they continued to try through various social welfare programs until the impetus finally petered out some time in the 1980's, when we decided that greed was good and "Me" was all that was important.  Now the current crop of right-wing politicians would have you believe they were socialists and communists.  If my grandfather were still alive I am sure he'd have something to say about that.

Wow; this is getting to a long post.  I had a bunch to say about the founding fathers separating church and state for a reason. They didn't want to see the civil unrest, violence, and killing that was the history of western Europe since the Protestant Reformation to bog down the politics of this new nation as well.

I'll wrap it up and say that perhaps a shiny new suit made out of a tissue of lies and half-truths is not what you need to keep you warm in the harsh environment of this world or any other.

Thank you for your time and good night.

News of the Weird: Monster Savaged me for my Back Pack

Kaiju Sam was very pleased to hear that the Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act.  This meant that in thirteen states, if Sam wanted to marry any other fiend he loved he could.  He wouldn't be obliged to marry a female fiend who happened to be wearing a beard for the sake of "keeping up appearances".
This was great news for Sam and his long time "business partner", Grizzly Teddy.  Thirteen states where you can marry whom ever you love.  That was great.  Only thirty seven states to go.
On a sadder note; Sam was still banned from going to Cold Stone Creamery to get his favorite flavor of ice cream, birthday cake.  Something about him terrifying the staff there whenever he wanted them to sing.
He would just have to continue to make due at Baskin Robbins.  That was not such good news.

Happy Birthday Duane

In a pond somewhere nearby, a snapping turtle is growing fat and large.  Duane first noticed this snapper when he kicked what he thought was a little clot of dirt with his foot.  That wasn't any clot of earth but a complex life.  Its mother no doubt layed her eggs on the edge of the man-made pond a few blocks away and this hatchling managed to avoid every conceivable trouble to make its way to the edge of Duane and Janet's koi pond in the back yard.
Duane cared for that baby turtle and kept it safe, warm, and fed and it grew from the size of a little ball of dirt until it was a dinner plate sized ass kicker with a real attitude.
When Duane passed I made arrangements with the local herpetological society for that little tyrant released into a wild pond at one of the parks near hear.
Last year he was the size of a dinner plate.  Now, a snapper growing into his own almost the size of a car tire is probably biding his time in the shallows of some swampy pond somewhere.  He is the king of everything he sees and everything that sees him gives a wide berth if it can.  They say the mind of an animal like a turtle isn't all that complex.
Maybe its just an unlikely conceit of mine, but I wonder if that little turtle remembers Duane.  That giant of a being that kicked it over, and then set it on the right path again.

God's grace, Duane,  and happy birthday.

Another Convergence is Post-Upon-Us

Another year and another Convergence draws to a close.  did you have a good time with Convergence 2013?  We certainly hope that everyone did. 
Now, even those who are Dead-Dogging it are drawing to a close.  Soon it will all be over but for the housekeeping by the night staff at the Double Tree.  Good Night Connie.  Farewell to the British Invasion.
We hope to see you all again next year.

Sacred Ghost Clown of Man's Engineering

150 years of emotions experienced.  The barker went into detail.  A statue come to life in response to the outrage of one who would defy God?  Not in this case.  Picture a being not so much born as fabricated from years of life in the carnival world of calliope and side show.  For over a century and a half, the clown traveled from one attraction to another across North America.

Beginning years ago in a place like San Francisco and ending in a city in Wisconsin at the Circus World Museum.  "I found him in the Barnum Museum in Connecticut," Mr. Stoles, the barker claims.

"I found him nosing about the Barnum Museum of Connecticut.  Clearly he needed something only I could provide," the artificial clown replies.  "Perhaps surprise, maybe wonder, or maybe he just wanted to know how comfortable I was defying God."

A secret smile and a wave like a salute.

"No man has ever walked in my shoes.  I am the sacred clown that the Universe came upon by accident."

"He is a marvel," Stoles replies.

"I am an impossible phenomenon my Master of Ceremonies.  Whisper in my polished brass ears the name of loss."

"Sometimes, though, he makes no sense at all."

The clown tilts its polished and burnished head down and looks me in the eye with raised eyebrows.

Celebrate July 4th and Convergence

Today is the day that we celebrate our independence from a British foreign government.  That government saw fit to regulate and control its business interests and the local governance of the colonies without the representation of the colonies themselves.

It was a business and government model that had worked for Britain for generations.  This time around it didn't work so well.  When they sent out the dragoons to squelch any rebellious tendencies; they found that those rebels were backed by French troops and French coin.

So independence was achieved.  On July 4th we celebrate our independence from foreign government without representation.  We do not celebrate independence from any sort of governance as some reactionary politicians would have people believe.

Today also marks the opening day of Convergence 2013.  Long may its freak flag wave.  An annual convention dedicated to geekyness and freakyness without judgyness.  Thousands of nerds, geeks, dweebs, otakus and other intellectual low lives come together at events like Convergence to compare war wounds from the rest of the year and measure geek cred amongst themselves.  If it is done in the spirit it was originally intended, a great time will be had by all.

Don't be a creeper.  Don't be a stalker.  Don't be a snob.  Don't be a troll.  Don't open your mouth when you feel something asinine creeping up the back of your throat, clamoring to be heard.  Remember what your parents most likely told you years ago.  Be nice and play well with others.  Then everyone should have a real good time.

This Cosmic Dance Aint For Everyone, Just the Little People.

I have enjoyed listening to several scientific documentaries featuring popular theoretical physicist and Mensa heart throb, Michio Kaku talking about theoretically advanced alien cultures.  Actually I wouldn't be surprised if it were just the same sound bites on different shows.  Basic cable does that a lot on its various science related channels.

Dr. Kaku talks about the theoretical scale of advanced alien civilizations.   Level 1 civilization are able to harness the power of a planet.  They can control the weather, earthquakes, geothermal and tectonic power of a planet to drive their machines and industry.  Strip a planet to make a better empire.  Level II civilizations can harness the power of the star their planet or planets are orbiting around to get whatever they need to get done.  Level III civilizations can harness the power of an entire galaxy to further their goals.  Pave a galaxy, put up a parking lot.

I know it is quaintly latter twentieth century of me to think so, but I still hold to the philosophy that no civilization can ever be considered advanced until it has harnessed its potential.  The potential of all its citizens to be fully realized beings to the best of their abilities, to have adequate food, shelter, water, and education to make the best contribution they can to the civilization they were born into.

The potential not to strip the planet, star, or galaxy they call home for all its raw materials and energy before strapping rockets to their butts and blasting off to the next habitable sector to strip mine.  The potential not to behave like a technologically advanced cancer collective.

Only after a civilization has achieved its inward potential as individuals, citizens, societies, species is it time to look outward.  Only when you are looking outward as an explorer, not as an opportunist or refugee.

Otherwise, you're not really talking about a civilization of any kind of advancement at all. You're talking about a little civilization of little people.  A little civilization with big ideas and grand schemes to make themselves feel more important.  A culture that's a sponge across a cosmic white board, causing as much chaos as it can, stroking across from one end to the other before dissipating right off the board; a result of its own arrogance.

The question of are we alone in the Universe is asked a lot.  As well as the corollary; if there are other advanced civilizations in the Universe, why haven't they contacted us?  Well we can thank our stars that so far no other little civilizations have attempted to contact us.

If we were contacted by a little civilization of aliens, they would offer us a few beads and trinkets.  Then they would terraform our planet, strip the power of our sun and eventually, if they were a "Type III advanced civilization" snuff out the Milky Way Galaxy to get go juice for their machines.  Meanwhile, the trinkets they offered would turn out to be either laced with poisons to remove us as competitors and threats, or mutagens to terraform us to suit their needs.

"Well then why haven't we been contacted by one of your 'advanced' alien civilizations, Mr. Big Stuff?"  Answer to that is simple.  We aren't ready yet.  We really need to evolve.  We just run in circles chasing our tails.  In our own nation, the light of the republic is dimming and being replaced by a cult of neo-feudalism.   Multi-billionaires  and multi-national corporations have simply replaced the crown and the church as we slowly revolve toward a new dark age.  So the circling continues.

Seeing that from the outside would you really want to get involved and put yourself in the middle of that hot mess.