Sneaky Media, it isn't April Fools.

The other day I read the headline of the U.S.A. Today.  You should never read the headlines of U.S.A. Today.  I was floored.  I was stunned.  I made loud exclamatory noises and whooping cries to the air.  It was a good thing no one else got off at my train stop or I might have gotten the transit police called on me.  "On the subject of gay people, Pope Francis says 'Who am I to judge?'"

Now my excitement was later tempered when other major Catholic figures came on the various media channels.  Figures like Cardinal Dolan who clarified that Pope Francis was just reiterating the old "Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin" argument the Catholic church has been dusting off for centuries.  Its not that the Catholic Church has anything against gays.  They just have something against gays acting in a gay way.

Well it is certainly a warmer more loving position then that taken by former Pope, Cardinal, and shiny red elf shoe wearing Ratzenberger.  Pope Benedict's stance on the temporal and theological rights of gays could be described differently.  I can almost picture Pope Benedict with a position like, "If you are gay I will burn you with my Pope laser beam eyes of extreme disapproval and condemnation".

Well, I think I am really growing fond of Pope Francis.  I like the austerity measures he is introducing into the Vatican City.  I like his humility and piety.  I like his honest good will and the feeling of real warmth.  In short I get a really nice vibe from him.  The kind of vibe I haven't really felt since John Paul passed away.

I recognize that Pope Francis is in a very difficult position.  It is not easy being the charismatic leader of an organization that has been founded for the last 1500 hundred years on the principle that it is never wrong.  'We are never wrong, we never have been wrong, and we never will be wrong'.

Even at times in the past where a Pope or other Vatican leaders have admitted the catholic church may have been in error on a particular stance and printed an apology, usually for events over a century old.  Before long, the next Pope will come along and declare that the people who suggested the Catholic church might have been wrong were themselves, guess what, wrong.  The Pope is supposed to be infallible, you say.  Then how can one Pope say another Pope was in error?  I know, makes my mind go bendy too and I feel like I need a Tylenol.

In the spirit of "Love the Sinner but hate the Sin", I render this.  I am going to have to say that I love Pope Francis, but am not always fond of the office itself.  I am fond of the man, but I am not fond of the Pope the man holding that office is pressured into being.

The Return of Sharkopotamus "The Sequel".

I just learned some disturbing news about "Sharknado" the sequel.  Apparently, Tara Reid will not be invited back for a Sharknado II.  Sources close to Ms. Reid said that she was waiting to see the script before she decided whether or not she was on board for a second movie. 

The producers swam around that by just not inviting Tara back for a second picture.  They invited back her costar for Sharknado II but decided they wanted to go a different way where Ms. Reid was concerned.  You have to be a real basket of warm, fuzzy kittens for the Sci Fi channel to take a pass on working with you again.

Anyway, this is good news for Tara Reid.  This just frees up her shooting schedule for "Sharkopotamus" and "Sharkopotamus II, The Vengenator".

The Most Dangerous Night Not Yet on Television.

The thing about the dark shadows is that its not always easy to tell what is coming or going.  Where do the features lie?  Who is that standing next to you?

Don't be Afraid of the Dark

There are some names that are just synonymous with the Film Noir movement that really came into its own shortly after the end of World War Two.  Peter Lorre is definitely right up there on that list of actors and stars who shined brighter in the low light and the stark contrast.  The shadows where you never knew your friends from your enemies.  The dawn of the Cold War was upon America and we saw it reflected in the ways we dressed, the books we read, and the films that people went out and saw in theaters when the floor lights dimmed.

Smarter Than Crick and Watson

Here we have my rough sketch of Rosalind Franklin.  Rosalind Franklin pioneered work in photographing DNA using x-ray diffraction imagery.  If you don't know what that means, that's okay, I am not sure either.  Then I'm not Rosalind Franklin smart.

At any rate, Rosalind Franklin's images and the notes she made with them confirmed the helical structure of DNA.  Watson was shown Franklin's results with out her knowledge or permission and he and Crick published a peer review paper based on Rosalind's findings proposing their "theory" that DNA held a double helix design.  Crick and Watson received a Nobel prize and are generally credited to this day with discovering the double helix design.



Damian, you may ask, why have you interrupted your week of Peter Lorre eye candy with this scrumptious image of Rosalind Franklin?  There are no coincidences in the Universe but just a couple weeks ago I caught something on one of those basic cable science channels.  Once again, they are attributing the discovery of the double helix  to Crick and Watson even though there was a big ballyhoo several years ago after which Francis Crick finally confessed that Rosalind Franklin was the source of most of their data for their paper that she had never been credited for.  I found myself thinking for about a month, trying to remember the name of the female biophysicist and x-ray crystallographer that they poached most of their data from.

Fast forward to today, and Google is celebrating Rosalind's 93rd birthday.  Yes, Rosalind Franklin.  Sadly, I had forgotten her name again. 

By the general public Rosalind Franklin is remembered for, not much of anything.  This is because she was a female scientist working before the latter half of the twentieth century where the fight for equality, human rights, and equal treatment for women finally started seeing more female scientists receiving the respect that they deserved.  Rosalind isn't part of our collective unconscious.  There aren't posters in museum gift shops of her riding a bicycle or sticking her tongue out at the camera.  She isn't remembered.

So I have a proposal.  This sketch is based on a very nice photo of Dr. Franklin.  I think people should screen grab it, meme grab it, of course with full permission of the original printers of the photograph or their descendants and assigns.  I think it should be put on t-shirts, coffee mugs, mouse pads.

In addition I noticed when I was sketching her for this likeness the placement of her middle finger of her left hand against her throat.  Perhaps something pithy like; "Dr. Franklin Has a Proposal for the Established Scientific Mediocrity".  Although that might be pretty long for a coffee mug.  Maybe just on the t-shirt then.

In closing; thank you Dr. Rosalind Franklin.  Thank you for your years of service.

Peter Lorre as Sydney Greenstreet's "Maltese Falcon" henchman, Joel Cairo.  He's dapper, he's dodgy, he's dangerous, and like everyone else in that movie unforgettable.  Sure he loses a little street cred when Humphrey Bogart slaps him around. 

However, if you're a villain and all your henchmen are identical meat-walls with physiques like Dolf Lundgren, well what you have son is the cast of "The Expendables" and "The Expendables Two".  Own it now on blue ray or they will come to your house and break your coffee table.

You have been warned.

Peter Lorre, "Lion Face, Lemon Face."

Who can blame him?  Who doesn't like that explosion of toe curling sour on their taste buds when you pop one in your mouth?  Then you get the added treat after its been in your mouth for about ten seconds and the sweet starts to kick in.

Attempted a little sketch of Peter Lorre from "Secret Agent".  Accentuated the cheek bones a little too much and kind of lost the roundness of Peter's face a little.

Looks a little like Peter's sometime collaborator, Vincent Price...or a little like Prince.

So I present to you, "Prince Peter Vincent"!  The new royal at Buckingham.

Wait for it...

"Vampire Killer!"

Peter Lorre and the Sound of the Can Opener.

This is Peter.
He knows how to make the tuna.
He knows how to make the not-tuna go away.
Can I have the tuna, Peter?
Don't give him any tuna.  Give the tuna to me, Peter.
Can I have tuna?
Can you make me the tuna, Peter?
Can you make me the peter, Tuna?
I mean, I like the tuna...

(Excerpt transcribed by Siamese kittens).

Peter Lorre With An Attitude!

Peter Lorre describes his pet walrus, Gus to a group of school children.
"How long are Gus's tusks, Mr. Lorre?"
"Gus's tusks are roughly this long and he keeps them nice and shiny."
"Should we be careful where we swim in case we encounter a walrus like Gus?"
"Children, you need not worry about any walrus swimming in a park or public pool.  You need not trouble yourself with a walrus swimming in a lake or river besides.  If you find yourself swimming in the arctic ocean, my pet walrus, Gus will be the least of your worries."

"Ich kann nicht, aber Ich musst...visit the Museum Gift Shop".

This is how my sense of humor turns.  Here we see Peter Lorre reprising his classic role in the 1931 film "M".  I am used to imagining his character lurking the streets of the city peering in knife shops.  Instead, his meme peruses the aisles of the Mutter Museum of Medicine in Philadelphia, perhaps still unaware of the chalk M scrawled on his coat by his pursuers all those years ago.

Maybe he's changed venues and continents because he wants to see the giant colon.  Who can tell?  Certainly not I.  The idea just made me smile.

If you've never seen the move "M", you should.  It is a classic film that stands up well even though it was produced back in 1931.  It may be a hard film to scare up but you can probably find a site to stream it from.  It certainly isn't as hard as finding an intact print of "Der Golem" from 1915.

Some years ago, the graphic novel artist John Muth did a graphic novel version.   That is if you prefer something a little more current.  He took frame grabs from the original film and adapted the scenes and characters using expressionistic color in water color washes, using mostly the dialogue from the original film for the graphic novel text.

On a related note, this blog post touches off "Peter Lorre Week" (approximately).

"Someone's Getting Licked by my Beaters."

Terrifying giant crab monster made land fall and then made its way inland until it reached Eugene, Oregon.  It left a trail of severely whipped devastation in its wake.  Eventually the Jaeger "It's My Coffee Break" was dispatched.  The crab monster was subdued when the jaeger grabbed its arms and used them to pummel the creature's own carapace. All the while the pilots were saying, "Hey, stop hitting yourself".  Melted butter was on the scene.

"Sharkopotamus Killed My Sister!"

Thrill to the most dangerous night on television.  The shark, most deadly of ocean predators.  The hippopotamus, most dangerous land animal in Africa.  A genetic experiment gone horribly wrong fuses them together into nature's perfect killing machine.  Deadly in the water, unpredictable and dangerous on land; Sharkopotamus.  

Bruce Boxleitner stars as the geneticist who must repent after his experiments go out of control and wreak havoc.  Soon the resulting mutant monsters will spread across the globe.  It seems like nothing can slow the onslaught of the Sharkopotamus.  Corben Bernson stars as the big game hunter that our hero scientist enlists to help him save the world from the colossal beasts.. 

Yancy Butler's character is tragically devoured in the "rubbing bacon on your butt and calling yourself bait" scene where they try to lure all the ornery Sharkopotami into one giant killing pen to electrocute them with the world's largest toaster.  Will Sharkopotamus invade all the oceans of the world and conquer on land as well.  Stay tuned to the Strangest Night on Television to find out.

Caught "Pacific Rim" the other night with a friend of mine.  Loved the fabulous fusing of mecha anime with kaiju monster movies of the golden age into a pretty sharp "mostly" live action feature.
Some impressions I took away from the film, I later texted to another friend who couldn't make it:
"I will never look at sushi the same way...I want Ron Perlman's shoes...'Today we are cancelling the apocalypse'...Australians are obsessed with soccer even at the end of the world...Mako Mori can hold an umbrella with thunderheads of unexpressed emotion...I want Marshall on my softball team...Mad Scientists trippin'."

I thought Guillermo Del Toro did a pretty good job of establishing the subtle sub-context of all nations pooling their resources together to combat global threats like climate change, the energy crisis, pandemics and the like.  Now you may say, "Subtle!  When the monsters were identified with the same kind of rating systems usually associated with tornadoes and hurricanes? 'This is a category 5 kaiju.  The first one we have ever seen.'"

Well yes, some of it was less subtle than others.  However the same night I caught "The Day the Earth Stood Still" on late night television.  The Keanu Reeves version that is all about a doomsday clock set in motion by benevolent alien  overlords of the surrounding galaxy who have decided the human race and all they have created must be wiped out to save planet earth.

So in comparison, subtler than a souffle.  In "The Day the Earth Stood Still", the underlying text is voiced first by John Cleese when his character says essentially that when the human race is absolutely up against the wall that's when their capacity for change shines through.  This message is echoed for the rest of the movie until Keanu Reeves decides to take pity on the lowly Earthicans and stop GORT from completing its nano-rampage.


I think Gypsy Danger should just haul off and punch GORT.

Yes, the human race has a remarkable capacity for coming up with last minute technological patches to fix the holes in the infrastructure of our world.  Unfortunately, these last minute patches are usually poorly tested and come with at least one or two new problems with which we hadn't had to content before the fix was made.  Every new leap forward usually sets us back somewhere else.

So for subtext messages I far prefer the idea of pooling all our best minds and all our best resources together to come up with long standing and well thought out solutions to our global problems.  This seems like a more positive message than waiting until the absolute last moment and hoping that the Universe will give us one more chance; like out in space, or on another planet.  Also a better solution than building a big wall.

Today is Your Moment

I promise to be brief today.  I am not feeling well and anyway, yesterday's scree should hold over into a few days worth of words. 

We cannot escape into the past nor can we project ourselves into the future.  Our time is here and now.  Decisions that we make have real consequences.  Deciding to do nothing; has very grave consequences.

So set your compasses and do.
Now.
Plan for.
Now.
Live for.
Now.
Love.
Now. 

Yesterday is history and tomorrow is too late.

"You're Gonna Love the Way You Look."

Today I wanted to voice in about things that might seem to look good on the surface, but probably aren't that good for you at all.  For the last several years both the G.O.P. and the sister Tea Party have been propping up and pushing through candidates who want us to believe they are against government waste, and for traditional family values.

Yet time and again when it comes to making the decisions that need to be made in Congress, they personify government waste by sitting on their asses, hedging their bets, filibustering endlessly, wasting the legislative sessions holding votes repeatedly on bills that have already been defeated in the other cameral house or vetoed by the president.

There are only two types of  legislation that is being pushed through, both on the national and the state level.  The first, is legislation for the super-pacs and multi-national corporations that put them in office.  It is a long standing rule in state and national politics in this country as well as many others.  You have to dance with the ones that brought you there.  This leads to legislation like the Monsanto Protection Act, recently snuck through into federal law; which protects Monsanto from being sued due to any negative effects of their products.  Interestingly, this law went into effect just a week or two before Monsanto's genetically modified wheat scandal became public knowledge.  I am sure the two incidents are completely unrelated.

The second kind of legislation that keeps getting forced through is morals governing Sharia laws which have become very popular in this present legislative cycle.  Laws like the recent law in Indiana making it illegal for a member of the clergy to marry a homosexual couple. 

These laws promise to be the height of waste as we pour millions of dollars in the state and federal services trying to enforce these laws.  Laws that are so unconstitutional they will most likely be overthrown as soon as the first person indicted by them appeals to the state or national Supreme Court.  I am not sure who's family values these hateful exclusionary edicts are supposed to promote.  Instead, these laws seem tailor made as measures to segregate the citizens of the United States by race, religion, sex, and socio-economic status.   That's not the kind of values I was taught as a child.  Certainly not what my teachers indicated our United States were aspiring toward.

These are certainly not the values that were instilled in us by our parents.  Perhaps they are the values our great grandparents instilled in our grandparents.  But in my case my grandparents fell into the "Greatest Generation".  They faught fascism in Europe and defeated it, then devoted a larger percentage of their budget than ever before to educating and feeding their children and making sure that a larger percentage of the population had access to medicine than ever before in history.  They educated their children so they'd be able to think for themselves.

They hoped that this way, something like fascism would never seem to be an attractive option to an educated people.  They also started a "War on Poverty". No, not the war on the impoverished many state and federal law makers are waging now, trying to claim that the poor are the reason our nation erodes from within.  It was a measure meant to end poverty once and for all. 

Maybe it was overly idealistic to think that could be achieved.  However they continued to try through various social welfare programs until the impetus finally petered out some time in the 1980's, when we decided that greed was good and "Me" was all that was important.  Now the current crop of right-wing politicians would have you believe they were socialists and communists.  If my grandfather were still alive I am sure he'd have something to say about that.

Wow; this is getting to a long post.  I had a bunch to say about the founding fathers separating church and state for a reason. They didn't want to see the civil unrest, violence, and killing that was the history of western Europe since the Protestant Reformation to bog down the politics of this new nation as well.

I'll wrap it up and say that perhaps a shiny new suit made out of a tissue of lies and half-truths is not what you need to keep you warm in the harsh environment of this world or any other.

Thank you for your time and good night.

News of the Weird: Monster Savaged me for my Back Pack

Kaiju Sam was very pleased to hear that the Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act.  This meant that in thirteen states, if Sam wanted to marry any other fiend he loved he could.  He wouldn't be obliged to marry a female fiend who happened to be wearing a beard for the sake of "keeping up appearances".
This was great news for Sam and his long time "business partner", Grizzly Teddy.  Thirteen states where you can marry whom ever you love.  That was great.  Only thirty seven states to go.
On a sadder note; Sam was still banned from going to Cold Stone Creamery to get his favorite flavor of ice cream, birthday cake.  Something about him terrifying the staff there whenever he wanted them to sing.
He would just have to continue to make due at Baskin Robbins.  That was not such good news.

Happy Birthday Duane

In a pond somewhere nearby, a snapping turtle is growing fat and large.  Duane first noticed this snapper when he kicked what he thought was a little clot of dirt with his foot.  That wasn't any clot of earth but a complex life.  Its mother no doubt layed her eggs on the edge of the man-made pond a few blocks away and this hatchling managed to avoid every conceivable trouble to make its way to the edge of Duane and Janet's koi pond in the back yard.
Duane cared for that baby turtle and kept it safe, warm, and fed and it grew from the size of a little ball of dirt until it was a dinner plate sized ass kicker with a real attitude.
When Duane passed I made arrangements with the local herpetological society for that little tyrant released into a wild pond at one of the parks near hear.
Last year he was the size of a dinner plate.  Now, a snapper growing into his own almost the size of a car tire is probably biding his time in the shallows of some swampy pond somewhere.  He is the king of everything he sees and everything that sees him gives a wide berth if it can.  They say the mind of an animal like a turtle isn't all that complex.
Maybe its just an unlikely conceit of mine, but I wonder if that little turtle remembers Duane.  That giant of a being that kicked it over, and then set it on the right path again.

God's grace, Duane,  and happy birthday.

Another Convergence is Post-Upon-Us

Another year and another Convergence draws to a close.  did you have a good time with Convergence 2013?  We certainly hope that everyone did. 
Now, even those who are Dead-Dogging it are drawing to a close.  Soon it will all be over but for the housekeeping by the night staff at the Double Tree.  Good Night Connie.  Farewell to the British Invasion.
We hope to see you all again next year.

Sacred Ghost Clown of Man's Engineering

150 years of emotions experienced.  The barker went into detail.  A statue come to life in response to the outrage of one who would defy God?  Not in this case.  Picture a being not so much born as fabricated from years of life in the carnival world of calliope and side show.  For over a century and a half, the clown traveled from one attraction to another across North America.

Beginning years ago in a place like San Francisco and ending in a city in Wisconsin at the Circus World Museum.  "I found him in the Barnum Museum in Connecticut," Mr. Stoles, the barker claims.

"I found him nosing about the Barnum Museum of Connecticut.  Clearly he needed something only I could provide," the artificial clown replies.  "Perhaps surprise, maybe wonder, or maybe he just wanted to know how comfortable I was defying God."

A secret smile and a wave like a salute.

"No man has ever walked in my shoes.  I am the sacred clown that the Universe came upon by accident."

"He is a marvel," Stoles replies.

"I am an impossible phenomenon my Master of Ceremonies.  Whisper in my polished brass ears the name of loss."

"Sometimes, though, he makes no sense at all."

The clown tilts its polished and burnished head down and looks me in the eye with raised eyebrows.

Celebrate July 4th and Convergence

Today is the day that we celebrate our independence from a British foreign government.  That government saw fit to regulate and control its business interests and the local governance of the colonies without the representation of the colonies themselves.

It was a business and government model that had worked for Britain for generations.  This time around it didn't work so well.  When they sent out the dragoons to squelch any rebellious tendencies; they found that those rebels were backed by French troops and French coin.

So independence was achieved.  On July 4th we celebrate our independence from foreign government without representation.  We do not celebrate independence from any sort of governance as some reactionary politicians would have people believe.

Today also marks the opening day of Convergence 2013.  Long may its freak flag wave.  An annual convention dedicated to geekyness and freakyness without judgyness.  Thousands of nerds, geeks, dweebs, otakus and other intellectual low lives come together at events like Convergence to compare war wounds from the rest of the year and measure geek cred amongst themselves.  If it is done in the spirit it was originally intended, a great time will be had by all.

Don't be a creeper.  Don't be a stalker.  Don't be a snob.  Don't be a troll.  Don't open your mouth when you feel something asinine creeping up the back of your throat, clamoring to be heard.  Remember what your parents most likely told you years ago.  Be nice and play well with others.  Then everyone should have a real good time.

This Cosmic Dance Aint For Everyone, Just the Little People.

I have enjoyed listening to several scientific documentaries featuring popular theoretical physicist and Mensa heart throb, Michio Kaku talking about theoretically advanced alien cultures.  Actually I wouldn't be surprised if it were just the same sound bites on different shows.  Basic cable does that a lot on its various science related channels.

Dr. Kaku talks about the theoretical scale of advanced alien civilizations.   Level 1 civilization are able to harness the power of a planet.  They can control the weather, earthquakes, geothermal and tectonic power of a planet to drive their machines and industry.  Strip a planet to make a better empire.  Level II civilizations can harness the power of the star their planet or planets are orbiting around to get whatever they need to get done.  Level III civilizations can harness the power of an entire galaxy to further their goals.  Pave a galaxy, put up a parking lot.

I know it is quaintly latter twentieth century of me to think so, but I still hold to the philosophy that no civilization can ever be considered advanced until it has harnessed its potential.  The potential of all its citizens to be fully realized beings to the best of their abilities, to have adequate food, shelter, water, and education to make the best contribution they can to the civilization they were born into.

The potential not to strip the planet, star, or galaxy they call home for all its raw materials and energy before strapping rockets to their butts and blasting off to the next habitable sector to strip mine.  The potential not to behave like a technologically advanced cancer collective.

Only after a civilization has achieved its inward potential as individuals, citizens, societies, species is it time to look outward.  Only when you are looking outward as an explorer, not as an opportunist or refugee.

Otherwise, you're not really talking about a civilization of any kind of advancement at all. You're talking about a little civilization of little people.  A little civilization with big ideas and grand schemes to make themselves feel more important.  A culture that's a sponge across a cosmic white board, causing as much chaos as it can, stroking across from one end to the other before dissipating right off the board; a result of its own arrogance.

The question of are we alone in the Universe is asked a lot.  As well as the corollary; if there are other advanced civilizations in the Universe, why haven't they contacted us?  Well we can thank our stars that so far no other little civilizations have attempted to contact us.

If we were contacted by a little civilization of aliens, they would offer us a few beads and trinkets.  Then they would terraform our planet, strip the power of our sun and eventually, if they were a "Type III advanced civilization" snuff out the Milky Way Galaxy to get go juice for their machines.  Meanwhile, the trinkets they offered would turn out to be either laced with poisons to remove us as competitors and threats, or mutagens to terraform us to suit their needs.

"Well then why haven't we been contacted by one of your 'advanced' alien civilizations, Mr. Big Stuff?"  Answer to that is simple.  We aren't ready yet.  We really need to evolve.  We just run in circles chasing our tails.  In our own nation, the light of the republic is dimming and being replaced by a cult of neo-feudalism.   Multi-billionaires  and multi-national corporations have simply replaced the crown and the church as we slowly revolve toward a new dark age.  So the circling continues.

Seeing that from the outside would you really want to get involved and put yourself in the middle of that hot mess.

Convergence Anxiety

I don't know why every year the coming weekend of Convergence always fills me with anxiety.  While most conventions I've always felt a sense of freedom coming on as they drew closer; Convergence approaching always makes me feel the opposite.

I knew I just had to "suck it up" a couple of years ago when I was taken off the list of performers at Harmonic Convergence after six years because my hour of spoken-word storytelling and poetry didn't draw the crowds that the live musicians did.
Then this year I got a form letter from the Con-com staff letting me know that Convergence had grown big enough that they were going to pick and choose the programming volunteer artists and writers that they extended complementary registrations to.  They gave me an opportunity to send them back a letter letting them know what I was working on. 

So I sent them back an e-mail letting them know the anthologies my short stories were going to be published or republished in, the plays that I had written and had produced in the past and the one I was commissioned to do in 2014.  I didn't mention the reading I was going to do at Dream Haven books and comics because even I didn't know I was going to be doing that yet.  They sent me an e-mail back letting me know that I didn't make the cut; though they did extend me the olive branch of allowing me to register at last day of con last year prices.

It worked out for the best because my wife was offered the chance to vend at a convention the following weekend.  Since she didn't want to do the convention thing two weekends in a row I will just be using the registration that I originally bought for her the last day of con in 2012. 

It will be a different kind of Con for me this year.  Maybe I will even feel less anxious that I have in previous years.  That's probably just wishful thinking. Is it just the psychological equivalent of what they used to call growing pains?  Eventually, either you will outgrow everything, or everything will outgrow you.  In this case, Convergence simply outgrew me.

Snobby in Minnesota

I learned the most wondrous thing today.  It seems that "Travel and Leisure" magazine has voted the Minneapolis and St. Paul area one of the top five snobbiest metro areas to live in the U.S.  We came just behind San Francisco and New York.  What?

Apparently "Travel and Leisure's" criteria for declaring us smug and elitist stemmed from our hipsters, our pride in our local music scene, and also our arts and entertainment destinations.  Also listed as reasons for our snobbery were our exercising and enjoying the outdoors more than the average metropolitan population.  Oh, and Minneapolis and St. Paul's various beer, wine, and hard liquor microbreweries.

In what bizarre world does a magazine that calls itself "Travel and Leisure" consider traveling around your location and taking advantage of what it has to offer in nature and culture "snobby and elitist"?  Who are this magazine's editors, and have they read any copies?  I have; and it seems the magazine is devoted to nothing but finding the local best attractions, best clubs, best food and spirits, and most enjoyable outings both in town and out in the countryside.

So Minneapolis/St. Paul is a snobby place to live for providing just what the average subscriber to "Travel and Leisure" is looking for.

Also, I am a little surprised who we beat out.  Portland, Oregon, Seattle, Washington, and Austin, Texas?!  Seattle; the home of Starbucks, Cray, Amazon, and grunge.  Portland; home of the Cacaphony Society, and Run Brain Run.  Austin; the meeting point of "South by Southwest" and Texas's answer to liberal politics,where they have city-funded health insurance plans for musicians?  These three cities have cold-fusion-nuclear powered hipsters who can scoff at the ironic way a ground-squirrel eats a nut off the sidewalk.  No one is more obsessively proud of their local politics and culture than these three towns.  Except New York of course.  No one can hold a candle to that torch.  They even argue amongst their boroughs for bragging rights.

I guess they're just going to have to try harder to be more "snobby" than us.  Seattle; begin another half a dozen internet start ups and a whole new coffee beverage involving marzipan and maybe you'll get "Travel and Leisure's" attention.  Portland; you are just going to have to start putting a bird on everything; and I mean everything.  Maybe a bronzed statue of Kyle MacLachlan too.  One way to compete with our Mary Tyler Moore.  Austin, Texas; I am afraid you are just going to have to start getting even weirder.  

Maybe if you rode your bicycles out of your respective cities and out into the countryside of your states to see what they have to offer.  Because that seems to be the corner stone of "Travel and Leisure" snobbery; taking pride of what the state around you has to offer, and not just the landmarks and neighborhoods of the city you live in.