Happy Birthday Duane

In a pond somewhere nearby, a snapping turtle is growing fat and large.  Duane first noticed this snapper when he kicked what he thought was a little clot of dirt with his foot.  That wasn't any clot of earth but a complex life.  Its mother no doubt layed her eggs on the edge of the man-made pond a few blocks away and this hatchling managed to avoid every conceivable trouble to make its way to the edge of Duane and Janet's koi pond in the back yard.
Duane cared for that baby turtle and kept it safe, warm, and fed and it grew from the size of a little ball of dirt until it was a dinner plate sized ass kicker with a real attitude.
When Duane passed I made arrangements with the local herpetological society for that little tyrant released into a wild pond at one of the parks near hear.
Last year he was the size of a dinner plate.  Now, a snapper growing into his own almost the size of a car tire is probably biding his time in the shallows of some swampy pond somewhere.  He is the king of everything he sees and everything that sees him gives a wide berth if it can.  They say the mind of an animal like a turtle isn't all that complex.
Maybe its just an unlikely conceit of mine, but I wonder if that little turtle remembers Duane.  That giant of a being that kicked it over, and then set it on the right path again.

God's grace, Duane,  and happy birthday.

Another Convergence is Post-Upon-Us

Another year and another Convergence draws to a close.  did you have a good time with Convergence 2013?  We certainly hope that everyone did. 
Now, even those who are Dead-Dogging it are drawing to a close.  Soon it will all be over but for the housekeeping by the night staff at the Double Tree.  Good Night Connie.  Farewell to the British Invasion.
We hope to see you all again next year.

Sacred Ghost Clown of Man's Engineering

150 years of emotions experienced.  The barker went into detail.  A statue come to life in response to the outrage of one who would defy God?  Not in this case.  Picture a being not so much born as fabricated from years of life in the carnival world of calliope and side show.  For over a century and a half, the clown traveled from one attraction to another across North America.

Beginning years ago in a place like San Francisco and ending in a city in Wisconsin at the Circus World Museum.  "I found him in the Barnum Museum in Connecticut," Mr. Stoles, the barker claims.

"I found him nosing about the Barnum Museum of Connecticut.  Clearly he needed something only I could provide," the artificial clown replies.  "Perhaps surprise, maybe wonder, or maybe he just wanted to know how comfortable I was defying God."

A secret smile and a wave like a salute.

"No man has ever walked in my shoes.  I am the sacred clown that the Universe came upon by accident."

"He is a marvel," Stoles replies.

"I am an impossible phenomenon my Master of Ceremonies.  Whisper in my polished brass ears the name of loss."

"Sometimes, though, he makes no sense at all."

The clown tilts its polished and burnished head down and looks me in the eye with raised eyebrows.

Celebrate July 4th and Convergence

Today is the day that we celebrate our independence from a British foreign government.  That government saw fit to regulate and control its business interests and the local governance of the colonies without the representation of the colonies themselves.

It was a business and government model that had worked for Britain for generations.  This time around it didn't work so well.  When they sent out the dragoons to squelch any rebellious tendencies; they found that those rebels were backed by French troops and French coin.

So independence was achieved.  On July 4th we celebrate our independence from foreign government without representation.  We do not celebrate independence from any sort of governance as some reactionary politicians would have people believe.

Today also marks the opening day of Convergence 2013.  Long may its freak flag wave.  An annual convention dedicated to geekyness and freakyness without judgyness.  Thousands of nerds, geeks, dweebs, otakus and other intellectual low lives come together at events like Convergence to compare war wounds from the rest of the year and measure geek cred amongst themselves.  If it is done in the spirit it was originally intended, a great time will be had by all.

Don't be a creeper.  Don't be a stalker.  Don't be a snob.  Don't be a troll.  Don't open your mouth when you feel something asinine creeping up the back of your throat, clamoring to be heard.  Remember what your parents most likely told you years ago.  Be nice and play well with others.  Then everyone should have a real good time.

This Cosmic Dance Aint For Everyone, Just the Little People.

I have enjoyed listening to several scientific documentaries featuring popular theoretical physicist and Mensa heart throb, Michio Kaku talking about theoretically advanced alien cultures.  Actually I wouldn't be surprised if it were just the same sound bites on different shows.  Basic cable does that a lot on its various science related channels.

Dr. Kaku talks about the theoretical scale of advanced alien civilizations.   Level 1 civilization are able to harness the power of a planet.  They can control the weather, earthquakes, geothermal and tectonic power of a planet to drive their machines and industry.  Strip a planet to make a better empire.  Level II civilizations can harness the power of the star their planet or planets are orbiting around to get whatever they need to get done.  Level III civilizations can harness the power of an entire galaxy to further their goals.  Pave a galaxy, put up a parking lot.

I know it is quaintly latter twentieth century of me to think so, but I still hold to the philosophy that no civilization can ever be considered advanced until it has harnessed its potential.  The potential of all its citizens to be fully realized beings to the best of their abilities, to have adequate food, shelter, water, and education to make the best contribution they can to the civilization they were born into.

The potential not to strip the planet, star, or galaxy they call home for all its raw materials and energy before strapping rockets to their butts and blasting off to the next habitable sector to strip mine.  The potential not to behave like a technologically advanced cancer collective.

Only after a civilization has achieved its inward potential as individuals, citizens, societies, species is it time to look outward.  Only when you are looking outward as an explorer, not as an opportunist or refugee.

Otherwise, you're not really talking about a civilization of any kind of advancement at all. You're talking about a little civilization of little people.  A little civilization with big ideas and grand schemes to make themselves feel more important.  A culture that's a sponge across a cosmic white board, causing as much chaos as it can, stroking across from one end to the other before dissipating right off the board; a result of its own arrogance.

The question of are we alone in the Universe is asked a lot.  As well as the corollary; if there are other advanced civilizations in the Universe, why haven't they contacted us?  Well we can thank our stars that so far no other little civilizations have attempted to contact us.

If we were contacted by a little civilization of aliens, they would offer us a few beads and trinkets.  Then they would terraform our planet, strip the power of our sun and eventually, if they were a "Type III advanced civilization" snuff out the Milky Way Galaxy to get go juice for their machines.  Meanwhile, the trinkets they offered would turn out to be either laced with poisons to remove us as competitors and threats, or mutagens to terraform us to suit their needs.

"Well then why haven't we been contacted by one of your 'advanced' alien civilizations, Mr. Big Stuff?"  Answer to that is simple.  We aren't ready yet.  We really need to evolve.  We just run in circles chasing our tails.  In our own nation, the light of the republic is dimming and being replaced by a cult of neo-feudalism.   Multi-billionaires  and multi-national corporations have simply replaced the crown and the church as we slowly revolve toward a new dark age.  So the circling continues.

Seeing that from the outside would you really want to get involved and put yourself in the middle of that hot mess.

Convergence Anxiety

I don't know why every year the coming weekend of Convergence always fills me with anxiety.  While most conventions I've always felt a sense of freedom coming on as they drew closer; Convergence approaching always makes me feel the opposite.

I knew I just had to "suck it up" a couple of years ago when I was taken off the list of performers at Harmonic Convergence after six years because my hour of spoken-word storytelling and poetry didn't draw the crowds that the live musicians did.
Then this year I got a form letter from the Con-com staff letting me know that Convergence had grown big enough that they were going to pick and choose the programming volunteer artists and writers that they extended complementary registrations to.  They gave me an opportunity to send them back a letter letting them know what I was working on. 

So I sent them back an e-mail letting them know the anthologies my short stories were going to be published or republished in, the plays that I had written and had produced in the past and the one I was commissioned to do in 2014.  I didn't mention the reading I was going to do at Dream Haven books and comics because even I didn't know I was going to be doing that yet.  They sent me an e-mail back letting me know that I didn't make the cut; though they did extend me the olive branch of allowing me to register at last day of con last year prices.

It worked out for the best because my wife was offered the chance to vend at a convention the following weekend.  Since she didn't want to do the convention thing two weekends in a row I will just be using the registration that I originally bought for her the last day of con in 2012. 

It will be a different kind of Con for me this year.  Maybe I will even feel less anxious that I have in previous years.  That's probably just wishful thinking. Is it just the psychological equivalent of what they used to call growing pains?  Eventually, either you will outgrow everything, or everything will outgrow you.  In this case, Convergence simply outgrew me.

Snobby in Minnesota

I learned the most wondrous thing today.  It seems that "Travel and Leisure" magazine has voted the Minneapolis and St. Paul area one of the top five snobbiest metro areas to live in the U.S.  We came just behind San Francisco and New York.  What?

Apparently "Travel and Leisure's" criteria for declaring us smug and elitist stemmed from our hipsters, our pride in our local music scene, and also our arts and entertainment destinations.  Also listed as reasons for our snobbery were our exercising and enjoying the outdoors more than the average metropolitan population.  Oh, and Minneapolis and St. Paul's various beer, wine, and hard liquor microbreweries.

In what bizarre world does a magazine that calls itself "Travel and Leisure" consider traveling around your location and taking advantage of what it has to offer in nature and culture "snobby and elitist"?  Who are this magazine's editors, and have they read any copies?  I have; and it seems the magazine is devoted to nothing but finding the local best attractions, best clubs, best food and spirits, and most enjoyable outings both in town and out in the countryside.

So Minneapolis/St. Paul is a snobby place to live for providing just what the average subscriber to "Travel and Leisure" is looking for.

Also, I am a little surprised who we beat out.  Portland, Oregon, Seattle, Washington, and Austin, Texas?!  Seattle; the home of Starbucks, Cray, Amazon, and grunge.  Portland; home of the Cacaphony Society, and Run Brain Run.  Austin; the meeting point of "South by Southwest" and Texas's answer to liberal politics,where they have city-funded health insurance plans for musicians?  These three cities have cold-fusion-nuclear powered hipsters who can scoff at the ironic way a ground-squirrel eats a nut off the sidewalk.  No one is more obsessively proud of their local politics and culture than these three towns.  Except New York of course.  No one can hold a candle to that torch.  They even argue amongst their boroughs for bragging rights.

I guess they're just going to have to try harder to be more "snobby" than us.  Seattle; begin another half a dozen internet start ups and a whole new coffee beverage involving marzipan and maybe you'll get "Travel and Leisure's" attention.  Portland; you are just going to have to start putting a bird on everything; and I mean everything.  Maybe a bronzed statue of Kyle MacLachlan too.  One way to compete with our Mary Tyler Moore.  Austin, Texas; I am afraid you are just going to have to start getting even weirder.  

Maybe if you rode your bicycles out of your respective cities and out into the countryside of your states to see what they have to offer.  Because that seems to be the corner stone of "Travel and Leisure" snobbery; taking pride of what the state around you has to offer, and not just the landmarks and neighborhoods of the city you live in.